Lil’ Bastard’s Pasta Puttanesca Recipe for Hypochondriacs

Pasta Puttanesca is Italian for “Whore’s Style” or even “Whore’s Birth” depending on which websites you trust.

I make no judgements.

Apparently, the dish got its name from prostitutes who left it on their window sills to attract customers. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

The tomato sauce is tangy-salty delicious with capers, olives and red onions.

Anywho, Rachel loves this dish so I started making it at home. The first few batches were OK, but tonight I really hit my stride.  And since my recipe is somewhat the self-created bastard child of Rachael Ray and Emeril Lagasse versions, I’m going to christen it my own: Lil’ Bastard’s Pasta Puttanesca Recipe.

Plus I’m a bit of a hypochondriac so it’s made with organic whole ingredients and without pesticides & BPA’s.


1/4 cup of organic extra virgin olive oil (Always buy organic cold pressed olive oil  in a dark glass bottle.)

6-8 organic garlic cloves, diced (Garlic is super-nutritious. No colorectal cancer for me! To get the health benefits of garlic, let it sit chopped 5 minutes before you use it.)

1 tbsp organic red pepper flakes

1 package pasta (Whatever you prefer. I like whole wheat organic angel hair and Rachel likes a thicker noodle like penne or the spiral one that seems to have 12 different names.)

1 jar of Eden Organics Crushed Tomatoes (BPA Free!)

1/2 jar of Bionature Strained Tomatoes (also BPA Free!)

1 glass jar of anchovies, drained (They sell these in tins too, which I used this time, but the metal container might have ill health effects. Unfortunately, I’m too scared to Google it just after eating it.)

1 small purple onion, small thin sliced

1/3  jar of capers (They got organic ones!)

30-ish kalamata olives, pitted and chopped (Same deal!)

1 bunch fresh organic Italian parsley, chopped

1 bunch fresh organic basil, cut chiffonade

1/2 cup shredded raw milk parmaggiano-reggiano

1/2 cup of sun-dried tomatoes (Chop’em up if they’re big, don’t get the tough ones. I used Mezzetta. I would’ve opted for organic but I couldn’t find any.)

Rachel (mine, not Ray) says dice up a tomato  or two as well (Vine-ripened have more vitamins than hot house tomatoes.)

Salt and Pepper to Taste (Lots, please!)


Put a big pot of water on for the pasta and get boiling.

In a separate large (12″ or bigger) frying pan, put the oil in a pan on Medium Heat (I worry about this as extra virgin olive oil turns toxic at 165 degrees. But, so many people use it? I still don’t understand the research on this so we’re going for it for now…after all it is the weekend).

Drop in the anchovies, red pepper and garlic and stir them around. Don’t let the garlic burn… this is as bad, if not worse, to letting the popcorn burn. Don’t be THAT guy.

Stir in the red onions and let’em cook for 3 minutes or so.

Scrape in the capers, olives, parsley, black pepper and the sun-dried tomatoes and diced fresh tomato (if you went there) and shake it like a Polaroid picture for a minute or two.

Stir in all the crushed and strained tomatoes and bring it to a boil then turn the heat down to low-medium-low and cover it. Let it simmer ’til the pasta is done.

At this point your pasta water should be boiling too so put some salt in there and dump in your pasta.

When the pasta is al dente, pour it into the strainer (Watch out for the steam, it may fog your glasses!).

Turn the burner heat off if you haven’t already. Check it at least 3 times.

Dump the puttanesca sauce into the big pot you boiled the pasta in, then drop the pasta back in there too. Stir it until well-coated.

Plop down a fair amount on each plate (we usually eat half and save the rest for lunch tomorrow). Cover with grated parmesean and basil chiffonade.

Place on window sill and wait for business to boom!

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