The Green Man of North Hollywood

Handful of Crystals

We were heading to dinner in the San Fernando Valley and wanted to get there hella early to avoid the traffic.

We curved through the canyon and I assured Rachel she would love our before-dinner pit-stop at The Green Man.

“What is that?” asked Rachel, “a marijuana dispensary?”

This is particular funny because North Hollywood (or NoHo) has more marijuana dispensaries than it does disappointed actors who thought they were moving to a city somewhere in the vicinity of Hollywood. Yah, Whoops!

Regardless, this Green Man is no “pusher”, but an apothecary: a seller of wares relating to healing, crystal, potions, third eyes and other such bric-a-brac. 

We entered and were immediately scowled at by the staff who  seemed to have sensed our adolescent auras. We persevered.

The mood lightened immediately when I spotted Newt Gingrich’s fat head staring at me from inside a jar of “Eye of Newt.” Hehehe.

Eye of Newt

Then I became absolutely entranced with the cornucopia of gemstones each adorned with a handy placard explaining powers and insights these stones bequeathed its owner.

Blue Avenutrine

Rock me Amadeus!


Helps with decisiveness? I’ll take 2!


Magic rocks at these prices? They definitely don’t Reiki you over the coals. Hi-oh!


$43 later. and three pounds of additional pocket-weights, I am a well-adjusted, well-mannered and centered. NOT!

Did I mention, we also got some fertility candles? Shwing!

Fertility Candles

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