The Incredible Shrinking Steamboat

We reached a stoplight in the epicenter of Chattanooga, Tennessee on a bustling Saturday night, just in time to observe a sweatpants-clad paunch-bellied local pick his butt crack three distinct times while he crossed the street.

“Welcome to Chattanooga,” I thought. “Where do you want to stay?”

We had options, but two hotels caught our eye: the floating Delta Queen Hotel, a 1920’s steamboat moored in the Tennessee River, or the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel, a former train station-turned hotel with a nostalgic nod to that Glen Miller sound.

Decisions, decisions.

We circled the steamboat’s parking lot debating the issue before deciding to take a look at the one room they had left. There was another (shall we say, more zoftig than us) couple competing for the same room, but once they saw the size of it, they smirked a “never in hell shall we stay here,” and victory was ours.

We checked in and were presented with complimentary Moon Pies, another Chattanooga original.

I think this is where the trouble began.

The magic of the Moon Pie either made us bigger, or the steamboat smaller. By the time we re-entered the room, it had shrunk to comical proportions… or had we had grown into buoyant behemoths?

Tiny Bubbles?

Time to get “a little” sleep.

The next morning, we had breakfast in the Delta Queen’s more appropriately-sized Texas Lounge and enjoyed the craftsmanship and charm of the nonagenarian Queen before disembarking.

Rachel: “I love the smell of Chattanooga in the morning.”

In case of water landing, your flotation device can be used as a flotation device.

By the time we checked out and got back in our car, everything was back to normal.

 Delta Queen: Actual Size.

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